A recent experience with my Dad getting admitted to the hospital and finally returning home almost back to normal after 12 days of time in hell for him, and the entire family, led to a lot of new lessons learnt in a short span for me!

12 days might seem fairly short compared to the experiences of a lot of people. But it was new for us. My Dad, a 65 year old man, who’d never fallen seriously ill, never been hospitalized for illness, was too much to take. Well, the pandemic didn’t make it any easier!

This article is just a list of lessons I learnt about me, my Dad, and my family. A note to others who might go through a similar situation(which I never hope for). A reminder to myself about the fact that not all things are under my control.

What I learnt about my Dad-

1. He’s going through his second childhood, whether he (or we) accepts it or not, it’s true
2. Someone who stood strong for all of us, in all situations, can go mentally weak- sickness, hospitals can bring this out in anyone
3. He is emotionally fragile- starts thinking about the worst case scenario and doesn’t easily get out of that mind frame
4. He has a fear of leaving us behind — which is legit

What I learnt-

The day my parents turned 60, I told myself- ‘I should be/I am prepared for anything from today on, they’re old, I should be ready to let go…’

Well, I remembered this a zillion times when I saw him lying in the hospital bed, and asked myself- ‘Am I? Really???’

I laughed at myself.

1. I’m not ready, I’ll never be, probably none of us will ever be
2. I came to terms with the fact that he’s old, he’s fragile, I need to treat him like a baby
3. Our mind controls a lot of how we recover from illness- it’s not just medication
4. I function like a maniac when I don’t have a choice, but I’m fragile, equally or more than my father was
5. I’m mentally very strong, but not always, I can’t be, there are times when my body gives up, my mind also gave up this time

Some pointers to note, while taking care of your loved ones at hospitals-

1. You’ve to take up role of a parent
2. You’ve to be mentally strong for yourself and the patient too, maybe sometimes for the family
3. Self care during this phase is hard, but don’t forget about yourself altogether- you need this to function- eat(something healthy) whenever you can, sleep how much ever you can
4. Talk to your doctor, understand the patient’s problem and their approach to the solution(as much as you can)- it comes in handy if you need to change the doctor- we had to
5. Don’t believe everything you read on Google- I know! Sometimes it just fucks with your mind for no reason
6. Go to a doctor you feel like trusting- trust plays a very strong role for everyone’s peace of mind

Things to pack for the patient-

1. Bedsheets, bedspreads, blankets, pillow, etc- on need basis
2. Hand towel/ bath towels
3. Hospital slippers
4. Moisturizer- to massage the IV insertion area
5. Extra pair of clothes, socks
6. Soap
7. Hand wash/ hand sanitizer
8. Plates, spoons, glasses, flasks with hot water
9. Toilet paper/ tissue papers

Things to pack for the caregiver-

1. bed sheets/blankets
2. Protein bars
3. Water bottle
4. Phone charger
5. Cash, card
6. Extra pair of clothes
7. A pen
8. A book or newspaper to pass some time- if you get
9. Slippers for inside the ward
10. An umbrella/ jacket- based on the weather

Pointers if this happens during a pandemic-

1. Hand sanitizer bottles in everyone’s bag who’s taking the caregiver role
2. Use and throw masks for everyone- discard everyday- just to be safe
3. Cloth mask- always double mask
4. Do not allow any visitors, just the patient and the caregivers
5. Preferably a private ward, if this isn’t an affordable option, try for a semi special
6. Mask up all the time around the patient- you cannot always expect the patient to wear a mask, so take all the extra precaution you can, even though it’s uncomfortable
7. Avoid getting food for yourself or the patient from restaurants
8. If you have any symptoms of COVID during this phase, distance yourself, rest and recover- let someone else take charge

Generic advice-

1. Take turns with family members to stay with the patient- taking care of a patient is mentally and physically exhausting
2. Wash your hands and sanitize every time you come back to the ward from outside
3. Hydrate yourself to keep functioning, some days you just won’t get a break
4. If there are elderly people other than the patient- even though they are home, it takes a toll on them, keep checking in on them- you definitely don’t want another patient in hand
5. If things get out of control and it becomes too difficult, seek help- be it from your family or friends, who are willing to help
6. Accept any help you can get graciously, if it isn’t harming them
7. Get yourself and your dependents medically insured, it makes a lot of difference- from cashless billings at the hospital and pharmacy

I hesitated taking help from people initially thinking my Dad was COVID positive just to be safe. Even after we were sure it wasn’t COVID, I avoided taking help from a lot of my friends who were willing to.

But there came a point, when I gave up and reached out to them- made sure everyone strictly followed COVID protocols while running around- but I was glad I did that. I don’t think I was capable of pulling through this if it wasn’t for them.

P.S- My Dad is recovering well, we are all glad to be back home.